A Good Conversation

I remember in the first month or so of school this year, I was driving to school and a song came on the radio. I don't remember what song it was, but I do remember nearly crying as I listened to it. Keep in mind, I had crazy, first-year teacher syndrome in which I found myself crying at completely random moments, but still, the song had an impact on me. And I had this strange thought: my kids would never appreciate this song; at this point, most of them wouldn't even know what it was talking about because the vocabulary was vastly above their level.

It saddens me the way I have to take a poem, a beautiful story, and stretch and pull and yank and thin it out so it is accessible to my crazy untameable classes. I have that image that I'm sure most lit teachers have, of an enjoyable in-depth discussion that brings out the best of the text. Instead, I often find myself giving in at the last minute to just trying to talk them into looking at the text, simply reading it, and then having to move on because they have wasted so much time.

I love reading, so it is often inconceivable to me that my students just don't.

Once, I tricked them. We had read most of Flowers for Algernon in the typical way: a few pages a day, some questions to make sure they at least knew what was going on even if the hadn't really read, and moving on. But then for the last part of the story, I told them we were just finishing up, and they were welcome to lean back and I was just going to turn off the lights and read and relax. I put on my best reading voice and read the last part of the text.

The students, even those who hadn't read at all, were aware of Charlie and what was happening to him. They knew that Algernon had died and many guessed Charlie would too, although there were those that thought the main character wouldn't possibly be killed.

As soon as I got everyone listening for a moment (which took a while and a lot of fighting), the room became silent. I read the same part of the story four times that day, and every time I reached the point at the story when you know Charlie dies, I got goosebumps. The kids were so still. And after WEEKS of the kids telling me what a stupid story it was and telling me I need to pick something interesting and less boring, I got countless comments: "That story was good."

Unfortunately, that doesn't change that they hadn't read most of it. And I'm not nearly accomplished enough to turn that enthusiasm into a broader love of reading.

But this week, one student said something in our class discussion. We read all of the Anne Frank play, and were starting to watch "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas". This student is in my lowest-performing class, and reads on a 5th grade level. When I asked about what their impression is of the portrayal of the concentration camp, he was the only one to volunteer. He said "they are controlled by fear." He then went on to describe to me:

The video game Batman has a villain, and in the game the last time you see him he says, "At the end of fear is oblivion." Then he just disappears. The student said, "It's the same with the people in the camps. You can tell by the way Anne and her family hid, and by the way that the little boy in the movie runs when they call him. There are so many of them, but it's too late. They are so controlled by fear that it's going to be easy for their lives to turn into oblivion. They could have done something, but they didn't know in time, and now they are too scared to."

Suddenly,  I found myself in a discussion of the way government holds its citizens accountable with fear, how systems large and small rely on fear to keep subjects in check - including schools - and how without fear, there would just be a mess. And suddenly we're talking about anarchy.

I know that each student is so insightful in their own way, but when they are all together that is lost. It takes a conversation like this to reground me in the fact that every one of my students is brilliant, even though they very frequently make terrible, annoying, angering decisions. If one student can do this, they certainly all can.

Spring Break Wasn't Worth It

Getting back into the swing of things after a break is never easy, but this has been a little ridiculous. Opposed to the normal crazy behavior, many of the kids were merely apathetic when we first came back on Tuesday, grouchy even when I started our drama unit by asking them to write out a script for a scene from Elf (how can you be grumpy when you get to watch Elf???)

However, things did seem to pick up. By yesterday, we were beginning to read our plays for this unit, which meant beginning A Midsummer Night's Dream for my honors class, and The Diary of Anne Frank (the play) for my other classes.

My honors class surprised me with their enthusiasm for Shakespeare. They are appalled at the love triangles, and are ecstatic that the characters are all fighting over one another. In all actuality, it sounds a lot like middle school love lives.

Anne Frank started out fantastic with my second period as well. [I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. It felt nice. I'm going to do it again.] Anne Frank started out fantastic with my second period as well.

They were asking questions about the background (many of them weren't at all familiar with the Holocaust), and actually asked me to keep going when we had to stop. After that, I was so excited to start with the other classes.

Flop.

My third period was unruly, but my fifth period seriously looked as if someone had released a hive of tracker jackers on them. All but four students were actually yelling out over the reading. I had to keep pausing to ask one after the other to stop play fighting, running around the room, and SIT DOWN and be quiet. We got less than halfway through the scene that all the other classes got through.

After that experience,  I was hesitant to continue today.

But then third period came in with halos. After ten pages, they, too, asked if we could keep going. Maybe the magic would continue with fifth mod?

No. Worst teaching day. Ever.

"Your class is so boring."

"No, it's not just her class, it's her."

"She's the worst teacher ever. I don't get why bad teachers don't just go work at TGI Fridays." 

"There's one around the corner."

"I bet she quits after today."

"Oh, look, she looks heartbroken."

"Look at her, doesn't she look so sad?"

After this lovely conversation between five of my students, I decided to keep my sanity and post the reading assignment on the board with a notice that there would be a quiz at the end of class. I hate doing that, but I didn't think I would last much longer with any semblance of self control.

Of course, instead of even starting their work, most just picked up on (highly inappropriate) conversation topics of their choosing. When I interrupted a conversation questioning the sexual orientation of fellow students outside of that class, I asked them "How would you feel if you walked into their class and heard them all talking about you?" I got an array of responses:

"I don't give a sh** what they're saying about me."

"I hope they've got somethin to say about me."

"They're probably all talking about you."

Clearly, I made an impression on them. Then, the highlight of it all. End of class. Four minutes left. Four minutes!

Student 1: "You just need to go teach in an all white school where the kids are good."

Student 2: "That was racist!"

Student 3: "Yeah, you said all white school!"

Me: "The reason that was racist was not because she said 'all white school', but because she assumes that the white students will be better behaved"

Student 1: "Well, they would be."

Student 2: "You're black!"

Student 1: "That's why I'm bad."

Me: "Then you're deluding yourself."

Student 2: "What's deluding?"

Me: "It means she's tricking herself into thinking she has an excuse for being bad, when really that's no excuse at all. It's a choice she makes."

Student 2: "Yeah, you're delusing yourself."

Again, clearly, impression made.

I'll keep in mind all the other classes are loving it. I'll keep repeating to myself "Can we read more?".

Is it summer yet???